Guinea Pigs....I Chutter to Think of it.

So.  Santa brought us guinea pigs.  Why he did this is a question I prefer not to ask, but I am pretty sure it is my fault. 

Each year, it grows more difficult to meet the ongoing Christmas plea from a certain red-haired Thelin child for "something that breathes."  It is all she ever asks for.  Poor Santa is faced with the task of trying to provide a pet that is (1)small enough to not require housing in a barn but (2) large enough and cute enough to hold in your lap and yet (3) belong to an animal species as to not cause life-threatening allergic reactions in half of our extended family or (4) nightmares to our beloved grandma next door.  It is a tough bill to fill.

We have been home to many animals--several hamsters, hermit crabs, a lizard, many fish, and two over-sized, hyperactive mutant mammals disguised as dogs. The dogs were a really risky move, but desperation drives you to do weird and unexplainable things as a parent.  We have tried.  We even own a robotic horse that is so convincingly real that you THINK it breathes.  But it doesn't.

Amy got fish for her birthday.  They breathe and are very pretty, but you can't hold them.  Plus, they keep eating each other.  We have an aging hamster that is still breathing a little, but it has developed a tumor about half the size of its body so it is a bit cranky.  The dogs breathe just fine, but it smells really bad when they breathe on you, and there is usually some catastrophe associated with any attempt to hold them in your lap (i.e., they are larger than the children and most of our furniture.)

So you see that guinea pigs were the only logical option left for Santa.  Guinea pigs breathe, are small, cute, non-allergenic, and cuddly.  They are surprisingly soft, do not bite, and actually NEED to be held in your lap at least an hour each day.  They are social little creatures, and so they like to have friends (thus the reason why we have two creatures, who, I pray nightly, are of the same gender.)  Guinea pigs are neither from Guinea, nor are they pigs, but it is a fabulously fun name for an animal, I think.  They are actually rodents, but thankfully do not have long tails.  Guinea pigs are easily tamed, and can even go for short walks on tiny, specially made leashes.  They can live 5-7 years, and while they do require a large cage, they do not require much maintenance beyond cleaning, feeding, and cuddling.  Moreover, guinea pigs are superstars, sporting lead roles in the popular Wonder Pets TV show and recently saving the world on-screen in G-Force.  A perfect fit.

My favorite thing about guinea pigs is that they talk.  This was a surprise.  They actually talk a lot.  There is like a whole guinea pig language.  Their noises have awesome names like "chutter", "wheek", and "rumble."  You need to familiarize yourself with these sounds so you know what your guinea pig needs.  For example, a "chut" can mean your piggy is distressed, while a "chutter" means your pig is completely content.  A "wheek" can mean your guinea pig is hungry, but a "low wheek" might mean it is in pain. Of course, the nuances in these sounds are all highly discernable and very distinct.  Haha. Right. "Rumbling," however, seems to pretty much mean only one thing--a mating call--so if I hear THAT sound, these things are getting FedExd back to the North Pole. 

Guinea pigs are quite sensitive to sudden movements and loud noises, so we find ourselves altering our behavior so as not to stress them out.  The reward is that guinea pigs do a little "happy dance" when everything is right with their world--it is called "popcorning",since they resemble a kernel of corn "popping" as they run and leap about the cage.  This is highly entertaining, and aptly named.

And so, with all that said, we welcome Oreo and Skittles, the guinea pigs, to the family menagerie...and hope that they "chutterly" enjoy their time with us.